2002-12-05 - 11:10 p.m.

Maybe this would be a good time to write some more about Jane, since one of the issues I've had recently is trying to convince people that I'm not a one-dimensional shag obsessed arsehole, although the flipside is others thinking there's more to me and Jane than I'm letting on.

There's no denying we were brought together by our closeness to Annie. Some may say that is an unhealthy link for two people starting to get involved in whatever way with each other. I don't know, it just kind of happened. Initially it was purely a physical thing, but there does seem to be more intimacy about it now, sort of. That's definitely not a bad thing, just something I'm being very cautious of- to say I've had a real problem with definitions over the last year and a half would be an understatement. There's certainly no talk of us changing the angle we are looking at this from, it's just a feeling I get. The first time, or second in fact but first time this year- the absinth time, the next morning it was like nothing had happened- the last few times we've been kissing each other goodbye, though there hasn't been any kissing hello yet.

Like I said a few entries ago, there's no feeling of being hit by a train here- the fact is I still have deep feelings for Annie I have to resolve; it's just that I get the feeling that if it wasn't for the aforementioned fact, and how unfair that situation would be for Jane, I'd probably be considering giving something more defined a go. Of course I have no idea what Jane thinks about this whole situation but it's just a feeling I have.

On Tuesday night I went to the pub with Jane. She'd had a very rough day- she'd been to the hospital pretty much saying goodbye to a sick relative. When we got back to her place rather than things going the way they often do when I go back there, I lay beside her and hugged her close and she cried into my chest and she talked to me about how she was feeling. Stuff did happen- on her initiation- but it's things like what I just said that stand out. Things like that and, afterwards, lying in the dark, her saying quietly "I'm glad you're here".

There's a lot more to Jane and I than sex, but it's something I'm still trying to work out so I'm not exactly at a point where I can explain myself to others yet.

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