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2008-01-25 - 10:29 p.m.
So I got through my first week back at work. I've found myself having all the confidence issues that I should have had when I first started acting in this role hitting me now. Feeling like I'm not cut out to be in a job with such proactive expectations, that my staff don't see me as a manager, that I can't make difficult decisions and- surprise surprise- I try to avoid conflict and want everyone to like me.
I think it's just difficult adjusting to this indefinite time period that I might just be seatwarming for, and not having a manager per se, and if I do get the job I'm paranoid that I won't do it well. And now it's an indefinite period of time until I see Jo again. When I started getting the turnover from my old boss, Jo was here for my 30th. It was only 2 months I did it all by myself before I turned it over to someone else and headed overseas to see Jo again. And it was the end of the year, where a lot of things have to happen, eg performance reviews. Having a whole year ahead of me, and not knowing what I'll be doing at the end of said year is a bit daunting.
So anyway, adjusting to being back at work (as well as a variety of things I've had on after work) is why I haven't written here about Costa Rica as promised. I got back on Friday, went to the Townie on Saturday night, went to Megs' picnic on Sunday, had Nathan over for dinner on Monday night, went to the movies on Tuesday night seeing it was Nathan's birthday and he was at home doing nothing, then had dinner at the Portugese Community Club for Nathan's birthday on Wednesday night. By the time it got to last night- when I had high hopes of getting prepared for tomorrow's BBQ, writing in here and whatever else, seeing as I didn't have to cook- I didn't want to do anything, and wound up watching a couple of episodes of "Scrubs", reading (Tim Winton's "Dirt Music") and then going to sleep.
But today, after a not-too-bad day at work, I left early, got my car fixed, went for a medium sized run by myself, went shopping with Lucy for the BBQ, had dinner down the road and then started getting stuff ready for tomorrow.
So I think I finally feel settled. Just in time for the long weekend.