2007-12-02 - 12:53 p.m.

There are a few gaps to fill in over the last few weeks. Looking back, I wrote about having a productive weekend on 17-18/11, buying a suitcase and shorts, paying bills, making dinner. I don't remember much about work before Wednesday 21st, except that I probably went for a run with Nathan on the Monday or Tuesday (I haven't run since, and I'm unlikely to in the 5 weeks I'm overseas so I should try to this coming week). Lucy had her last ever exam on the Monday, which was why I was going to the Rose on Wednesday instead of Trivia. Nathan was looking for something to do that night as well since he had just gone off call.

It was a good night, even if we'll never be able to think about it in the same way again. I don't know what possessed Lucy, Nathan and I to go to the Townie and keep drinking after Bernie finished, despite having to work on Thursday morning. There were all sorts of shenanigans which I won't go into, and it provided for an amusing next day- at least for the part of the day that wasn't a surreal nightmare.

Thursday night- I don't really want to go back over everything that happened that night after finding out about Mel. I think surreal sums it up, and I think it stayed that way until we got the message from Shaye the next day, and Lucy spoke to Mel's Mum- I think that's when my brain was able to fully process that it was all real, even though I wasn't in any doubt on Thursday night. Before we found out, there was nice stuff. Lucy and I went back to the jeweler for the last time (like I said before, even if Jo is reading this it's hardly a surprise, but that's where coming up with a nice romantic and possibly slightly surprising way of delivering said jewelery to it's intended owner becomes crucial), we had some dinner and I had some Sangria, while Lucy was allegedly never drinking again, and I was not letting her hear the end of certain revelations. I'm still not- I think both of us used it as a reference point for a time before everything was crashing down, and needed a bit of gentle humour. I remember feeling the slightest bit tipsy when I left the restaurant, something that did not cross my mind for a second when I was driving around shellshocked after we found out. I remember lying in bed and hearing girls laughing at 1am, when Lucy's normally in bed by about 10pm, and confirming in my head that things were definitely surreal.

Friday at work was a lot easier than the Thursday after the funeral- I think probably because it hadn't all sunk in yet. Friday evening it was just Lucy, Meegs and I, being there for each other when we needed it, while Lucy was fielding phone calls left, right and centre. Saturday morning I had to go back to the travel doctor for a Hep B booster, and I think it was on the bus on the way there that the waves of sadness started to hit. I came back and voted, and then wrote my tribute to Mel, and that's when I forced myself to be more emotional about the whole thing. I still went to Kim and Marty's party on Saturday evening- dragged Nathan along- but I drove, and didn't stay all that late. It wasn't even a case of it being good to get out of the house, since I could have happily sat around the house watching the election with Lucy, but it was important to fit what was happening into my normal life (I guess you are forced to do that with work a bit, but it's different with social stuff).

Sunday I think I had a much needed sleep in, decided not to go shopping for a birthday present, helped Meegs move a wardrobe from Pagewood, and went around to Nathan and Kellee's for dinner. I think Monday at work was okay, but Tuesday I just couldn't concentrate, and was already focused on getting through Wednesday. I did cook dinner on Monday and Tuesday, which was another little piece of normalcy that had fallen by the wayside a bit.

And Wednesday was the funeral, which I've already written about, and as I said at the time, so many other people have so well, so I don't think I need to write anything else about it. Since then I think a lot of people have been reflecting on the way that life goes on, and it will be different for each person, but I've definitely let things be normal again (if reflecting on how much you've had to drink over Friday and Saturday night is normal). I've got a ridiculous amount to do before I go overseas next Sunday, and I'm really looking forward to it (not the least because I get to see Jo again), but I know it will be a while before I take anything or anyone for granted.

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