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2007-11-29 - 8:27 p.m.

You should've been there Fordie- it was the gig of the year.

Berns played "Intermission". We didn't even know he brought a guitar. They opened with "Shining" and played Perry Keyes as you left. Cindy was there and nobody was trying to cut Lucy's lunch. Lucy made us all cry. Berns and Bow told Lucy she was awesome and she tried her best not to look starstruck. You should've been there Fordie- you would have remembered to get their autographs.

Berns mentioned you about 10 times at the Rose. He said he wished he'd let you do the support slot once. We should've got that on the record. It was an aficionado reunion pal. Eegs and Gibbo and Yasmerelda were all there. Shaggy and Clitz and Arckie and Alex and Miss Paris and Marky Mark. Jo sent her love. Berns played "When I Die"- I think it kind of made us happy sad but you wouldn't have approved. But he also played B7, and the porcupine song, and we were sad again and I think you would have approved. You've only got yourself to blame for all the hugs Berns got yesterday Fordie. Bradley was painful, but he wrote you a song and he's going to put it at the end of his next CD. He told me about how he's covered "Your Boyfriend's Back in Town"- again. Gen's going to make you a CD and throw you a gig!

We missed you at the Townie- but we knew you wouldn't have come anyway. Nobody knew what your drink was- just that whatever it was you had a lot of them down in Melbourne. Lucy reckons you wouldn't have liked "Thai Pathong" either- so we probably would have eaten somewhere else if you'd come, since we were all there for you. But I liked it, even though I'm sorry I made Eegs watch me eat a pork knuckle.

We saved you a seat. Your seat. I kept looking at it all night and picturing you there. I still can't quite believe that you're gone Fordie.

There's not much left to write. It's all been said so beautifully, so eloquently, by so many beautiful people. I'm going to print out all the tributes, and I know that every time I read them I'll get that feeling inside, somewhere between a lump in my throat and a weight on my heart, far worse than when I hear the chilling final lines of "Indelible" or "Morning Theft", or read that well-worn Drum Media article that Tim wrote for Stevie. Because unlike a lot of the other beautiful words that come close to bringing a tear to my eye, these are about my friend, who I loved dearly and I'm going to miss terribly, and I don't think I ever told her. It's strange how much it means to hear that from a friend, and how uncomfortable we are saying it. Lucy will kill me for saying this but I've still got a message that she sent me over 5 years ago telling me how much she loved me. You don't know how to respond but you always treasure those words. You remember the first time you said it to your partner (fiance :P) You remember how you hesitated because you know not to play with words that powerful.

I think subconsciously I thought the Funeral and the Rose would be a kind of closure, but I've found these waves of sadness passing over me from time to time today. It's comforting- a funeral is a way of saying goodbye, but not of moving on. There will be a time for that- but not today.

I think that part of the sadness is for Mel, but a lot of it is that sometimes it takes a tragedy to make us realise how much we do love our friends.

I love you all so much- I just want you to know that.


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