2006-06-20 - 10:25 p.m.

So I did end up going to Hellfire on Friday night. According to the regulars (ie Erin) it wasn't one of the better nights (mainly because they closed off upstairs which was the more laid back part), but hey- it's not every day you go to a club dressed in drag (well, unless you're a drag queen with a regular spot somewhere) and I enjoyed myself. I spent most of the time talking or dancing with Erin's friend Emily, although at one point a guy tried to pick me up. It wouldn't have been a complete night if that hadn't happened now would it? You could describe the experience as liberating, but I think fucking cold would be more appropriate. After some time at Hellfire Erin, her friend Pauly and I went abck to her friend Emily and Brett's place in Glebe, and hung around drinking there for a few hours. I was offered half an E, but I declined on the account of work at 3pm the next day. Erin had half and promptly went to sleep. I caught a cab home at 7am, talked to Jane for about half an hour and then slept for a little over 4 hours before getting up with enough time to get my makeup off before going to work. I still got a couple of sidewards glances but I admitted to nothing.

So after working on not a great deal of sleep on Saturday, I still got myself out of bed at 10am on Sunday so I could do Yum Cha with my Unifriends. There were 7 of us, which meant we got a lot more variety than I'd usually have. Then in the afternoon I had some beers with Nathan at the Cactus Bar, before he cooked Kel and I dinner. Seeing as I was not working Tuesday I figured I'd go somewhere to watch the World Cup game (Australia v Brazil), so Kel and I went up to the Zanzibar. I think it was colder than Friday, only this time I wasn't wearing a skirt. I was feeling dead on my feet, and struggled to make it to the 2am kickoff time, but once the game started I made it to the end.

The next day (ie yesterday) I caught up on all my sleep and didn't get out of bed until 2.30pm. So really I had no excuse for sleeping until 1pm today. Still, on the whole the two days were constructive- I went for a 20 minute jog both nights (something I want to get into the habit of, so I can run at least part of the Sutherand to Surf and not die), did my shopping today, paid my bills yesterday, cancelled one of my bank accounts, cashed a check and went to the post office today, cooked at home both nights and still had time for a bunch of Angel episodes and writing in here. There have been a few occasions when I've felt like writing in my pen-and-paper diary but not got around to it, but at least I'm writing regularly in here. I only get to my other diary every couple of months at best, but it's better than the 15 months I didn't write in 2001/02 (and that was before I had this diary).

There isn't really anything to write about in the days before Hellfire. I had dinner down the road with Nathan on one of them but that's about it. I think I need to use my pen-and-paper diary to really go into my thoughts about this long distance relationship thing. I can just see my thoughts not really having any direction but if I do get some of them down in there I could probably go over it and make some sense of it. The time is going surprisingly fast- it's only two months before I get to spend six weeks with her, but by the same token the faster time goes by the closer it is to when I'd like to be living over there, and I don't feel like I'm progressing fast enough in those stakes. I don't want to sell myself short and forever wonder what it could have been like by just staying over here until we can't do the apart thing anymore and Jane comes back (besides the fact that it wouldn't be fair on her), but I'm also scared of giving up my job over here, and having to start from scratch when we get back here (not so much when I go over because Jane has an established place and I would essentially be looking for a good job). It's a big thing this mortgage- It's hard to really fathom just how much money I spend every month- considering I'm paid very well- if I had to start from scratch I wonder if we could do it. Of course once Jane and I are back living together again, on either side of the Pacific, our living expenses will drop dramatically.

You see, it all gets very non-linear when I start thinking about it. I think I'll leave it there for now.

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