2004-08-18 - 9:25 p.m.

It's been forever since I wrote about what I've been up to. I couldn't motivate myself to write the other night when I was waiting up until all hours for the swimming, and it's got to the point now where I've gone back over my calendar for the last month and made notes so I'll be able to write about what I've been doing.

It's August 18th, and I'm only really up-to-date to the beginning of July. Mid-August also means its been a year since I moved to Stanmore. A much more stable year than the other year I lived away from my parents house- that one was broken into distinct 4 month periods in which I went sequentially from living with 2 other people to spending 4 months by myself.

This kind of stability is a strange thing. I still haven't been able to kick the feeling that I've settled down without doing half the things I wanted to do before I settled down. It's kind of eerie thinking that Jane wrote this over a year ago after probably our first big fight, but now she's completely converted and I'm still feeling... something. Not unsure about us, not unsure that the path I've started on is one I want to be on (let's face it, if I keep going down this path it's marriage and kids territory and you all know it), but just, as Jane said back then, that I feel "boxed in" and like I can't change things and I don't even know if I want to.

This path is one I want to go down, but I kind of want to live another lifetime before it. The way I can't help feeling Jane has.

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