2004-05-06 - 11:24 a.m.

Okay I'm going to keep putting stuff I wrote while I was away in here as it's an insight into what I was thinking at the time. The emails I sent to Jane were more personal, and in some cases they showed through some of the insecurities I had while travelling as opposed to the rose-coloured group emails. This one I sent in Orlando... well the area near Orlando where we were staying, and I was feeling like I wasn't spending enough time on thethings I most wanted to do, and I was stuck with travelling companions that weren't in the same headspace as me...

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(Written 31/03/04)

The last night in Miami Cristan and I went back down to the mall-ish area of

the bay which is very reminiscent of Darling Harbour, and had a couple of

drinks, but I'm kinda hanging for a big night. I'm just kinda stuck in that

Meaghan and Cristan aren't necessarily the people to have my kind of big

night, and I haven't really got any opportunities to meet new people until

my last couple of nights in NYC.

Speaking of which I'm stressing out about not having enough time in New

York. Well, yesterday we arrived in touristville a good half an hour out of

Orlando which is where I'll be spending the next week- I was kind of

disappointed because it makes it harder to do things like check out local

pubs and this Indie club- Orlando proper is a real city with real people and

a local scene etc and I'd much prefer to be staying there. I'm going to try

to drag Cristan to this Indie Club one night but that would be like relying

on him to drive me home- it's truly not worth getting a taxi to where we are

from Orlando city, specially seeing as we've discovered a new club to check out in Sydney when I get back and all.

Yesterday I was seriously considering trying to get a flight out to NYC on

Friday- that would be 2 nights at a hostel either side of my 3 nights at the

Hotel, and so much more time to do stuff. I think I'm a bit obsessed with my

romanticised ideal of travelling though, you know, meeting new people and

all that, and I could end up disappointed if the people I do encounter

aren't my sort of people. Besides, there is still enough things to do here-

it just seems wrong spending so much more time here than the place I really

really want to see.

Aside from that I was just missing you lots last night. We didn't do

anything, not that that bothered me last night, but we sat around and

watched an entire movie ("Catch Me If You Can") and when it finished I think

I must have been thinking about Sunday night movies with you.

I'm trying to not have my stupid head on while I'm on holidays, but it's a

hard habit to kick- I'm always going to be comparing things to other

peoples' experiences, whether they're yours, or Anthony's, or whoever else.

That doesn't mean I'm not having a good time, but I guess it would be silly

to think I was suddenly going to stop being me.

I think I'm suffering from not writing- I've been taking notes of what I'm

doing each day but not how I've been feeling, and how I'm feeling becomes

more important when I'm not doing a million things and I'm not going out at

night, and there's been a bit of a glut of that recently. It doesn't help that Meaghan is sick and I feel sorry for her because I know it's depressing her, but I have to do stuff for me. Having said that I'll stick it out here til Sunday, but be prepared for me to want to drag you back to NYC and stay at Youth Hostels and meet cool young people and get drunk with them and see lots of cool Indie bands in Greenwich Village.

So it's 7.55am on a Wednesday in Australia and you'll either be getting this

right when I send it (if you're starting early) or you're on a train/ bus. Enjoy Bernie tonight, I might call you later on tonight my time while you're

at work.

I love you so much my beautiful.

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