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2003-06-17 - 1:52 a.m.

The past month has been ridiculously hectic, and it's not about to stop.

I've been housesitting, Jane and I have been having dinner parties, we had cats to look after, I got home 3 days ago and my stuff still isn't unpacked (I went out after work and stayed at Jane's the first two nights after we left), I've completely dismantled two of my cycles at work so nobody knows where the hell I am when, Ellie is coming up on Thursday, Friday night will more than likely be lost in an alcoholic haze, there are gigs left right and centre- The Givegoods, Lou Barlow, the likes of Tim Freedman, Pinky Beecroft, Dave McCormack and others, Bowie is touring (did I mention Bowie is touring?), Placebo and Splendour next month- it's all too much.

What can I say about my 3 weeks of pseudo-domestica? It's made me want to move out again. It's made me realise that while it's not something to rush into, it's something Jane and I will be seriously considering at some point. It's made me a cat person :) I want another smokey grey kitten. It made both Jane and I curb our raging restaurant habit and do a lot more home cooking. I don't know what else. It was nice.

I am looking forward to Ellie coming up. I will say this and only this- believe in yourself Ellie- the most ridiculous thing I've heard in the last week is that you're always looking for someone to blame because the fact is you're far too quick to blame yourself. I love you and I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through. I never meant to hurt my friends but I made a habit of it last year. I don't know if it's the contrast of how honest my relationship with Jane is, but I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I'd handled the last couple of years differently.

I found out something disturbing a couple of days ago and I'm not really sure what to think about it.

"All the kings and queens in the bible, they could not turn back time"

Paul Kelly- 'If I Could Start Today Again'


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