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2003-05-20 - 3:29 p.m.

So I talked around in circles to Annie last night for a while before I said I had to go because I was still at work, but I would ring her back if she would pick up the phone.

I kind of knew she would turn her phone off. At least that way I wasn't the one abrubtly ending our conversation. I left a message saying I was ringing back like I said I would, and that if she wanted to talk to me I guess she could email me or something.

When I got home, I'm not sure why, but I forwarded her the nice email she sent me after the last time I saw her, adding "if you still feel this way then there is something worth trying for..."

I expected something vicious, dismissive or delusional back. Instead I got...

"i do still feel this way but i dont think that will help.

as long as your okay and your happy just remember how much i love you.

Annie"

I know I said that was the precise reason I was walking away- because it was too hard to deal with the times the Annie I loved was showing through, and not knowing how long it would last. But how can I dismiss an email like that? It would make me feel like I was the one being unreasonable.

So I replied...

"I am happy mostly but this makes me sad. Annie maybe things will never be the same as they were but I think one day we can be okay, and I want you to remember how much I love you too."

_______________________________________________________________________________

If we never saw each other, spoke or emailed again I could be happy that we parted on those terms. Not like the last email she sent me before that, when I decided I wasn't going to bother anymore.

I'd be more happy to close the book there than where I did before, but it doesn't have to be that way either. Only time will tell.

 

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