2002-11-08 - 2:34 p.m.

Just letting you know I'm still alive my loyal readers. Was it last entry that I had a list of things I had to talk about? I guess I either haven't been in a writing mood or I just haven't got around to it. Today is the third of my standard three days off- back to work at 6am tomorrow (yes-Saturday)- where did the time go? I was actually planning on doing a lot of writing this three days off, whether it be in here or in my pen-and-paper diary, but I didn't end up doing any of it.

On Wednesday I went to see "Sculpture By The Sea" which is on the Bondi to Tamarama beach walk. My Mum has an exhibit in it this year- I can't tell you which one or I would be revealing my identity (yeah, because there are literally hundreds of people reading this wondering just that right?) It's kind of a strange feeling being openly proud of someone in my family- I can't really explain it, I get along really well with everybody, but I guess you'd say I don't really display any affection for them. I don't know why.

I also expanded my CD collection yet again- heaps of stuff just came out that I want to get- on Wednesday I was mainly thinking of the new U2 "Best Of 1990-2002"- yes I have all the albums but there were remixes and a bonus b-sides CD and DVD and I must have it. But as I walked into the shop I hear an obscure Ben Folds b-side being played and realise that he has just put out his live solo album- so I had to get that too. Plus there was a 2 for $30 table so I got the TISM "Best Of" and Lou Reed "Retro" (another best of). And I almost bought more Bob Dylan because they were on a 3 for $30 table but I couldn't find a third CD I wanted. Ah you get that.

So then Wednesday night I went to a Restaurant on King St with my parents for a free feed because my Uncle owns it and this was a test run for its opening on Friday night. I was so tired after having to get up 11am (yes, there is some irony in that but the tiredness bit was true) and I think it was the lazy, warm beach atmosphere of the day that got me.

So yesterday I didn't get out of bed until 2pm! Oops. Okay I was woken up by an SMS at about 8am and then a phone call at 11am but aside from that I was sleeping. So that's where the time went I guess :)

Last night one of my favourite singer-songwriters recommenced his residency at a familiar drinking hole- caught up with some pals I hadn't seen in a while. It's comforting to know he's back- I can't make it that often because of shift work but there is something wrong with the Sydney music scene when Bernie isn't playing somewhere once a week :)

It was also another occasion where Jane was there but Annie wasn't. And though I wasn't exactly planning it but the thought had crossed my mind I ended up back at her house. I think it's a bit...something...going into details so I won't except to say we didn't get quite as intimate as the last time, for reasons that you could probably guess at.

Things could be looking up for my sex life though, as I was told "I'm more than happy to be your newest fuck buddy, but not tonight".

If that sounded a bit callous and not quite in line with the caring, sensitive image that I put across and hope is pretty close to the truth, perhaps I should explain where I stand on casual sex. One of my friends from Uni asked me, when I told her about a previous "fuck buddy" situation I was in "but I thought you believed in love?" or something along those lines. And I do, above anything else. But I don't think of sex as a sacred act consigned to the bounds of love or a relationship. Between two mature, consenting adults who have no misconceptions of what you have going on I say why the hell not? Jane used the term "fuck buddy", she's certainly not under any misconception that there are any feelings that go beyond that. I mean, she knows how I feel about Annie, and I certainly have no reason to think she sees me as any more than a friend. That's where such arrangements fall down, when one party sees it as more than the other does- I think Jane and I have proved we are coming from the same position (hmmm, pun definitely not intended but appreciated in hindsight :) - this is the third time something like this has happened between us and there has never been so much as an uncomfortable moment or a moral dilema or dissection of events. We have very rarely even made reference to it outside the occasions themselves.

I believe in love but I'm only human :)

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