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2002-10-10 - 3:31 p.m.

Annie said she was feeling "blah".

"What's up?"

"Just blah. Sad. Lonely. Fed Up."

It's hard to be an objective and sympathetic friend when your first reaction in your mind to them saying they are lonely is that they could have you if they wanted. Jane on the other hand can be objective because she is female and not in love with her. There are times when I feel less close to Annie because she now has Jane, who in all honesty is the best friend anyone could hope for. But you just can't compare. They are girls. They can talk about girl things. She can talk about guys and Jane won't have to pretend she is not jealous.

There's a great line (or paragraph) in "About a Boy" about how when a guy sees something broken his instinct is immediately to find a way to fix it. If a friend is sad his instinct is to try to make them happy. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there and listen. And listen. And not try to fix it. And under no circumstances say "It's okay" or "It'll be okay" because sometimes it isn't, and it doesn't always have to be okay.

Our protagonist, Will, is talking to the depressive, sometimes suicidal mother of our other protagonist, Marcus. He wants to help her because he really cares about Marcus, but he doesn't know what to say. She finds herself apologising for being "like this"...

__________________________________________

"I'm the one who should apologise," he said. "I want to help, but I know I won't be able to. I haven't got the answers to anything."

"That's what men think isn't it?"

"What?"

"That unless you've got some answer, unless you can say 'Oh, there's a bloke in Essex Road who can fix that for you,' then it's not worth bothering."

Will shifted in his seat and didn't say anything. That was precisely what he thought; in fact, he had spent half the evening trying to think of the name of that bloke in Essex Road, metaphorically speaking.

"That's not what I want. I know there's nothing you can do. I'm depressed. It's an illness. It just started. Well, that's not true, there were things happening that helped it along, but..."

____________________________________________

Mind you this is a slightly different scenario. I'm not looking for the bloke in Essex Road that can stop Annie from feeling lonely- I'm thinking I could be that bloke in Essex Road if you wanted me to be, look me up in the Yellow Pages the minute you want to fix it.

I gave Annie her pseudonym because the way I feel reminds me of a song by Ben Folds. It's about having a friend who is lonely, who waits for someone who isn't there for her, and wanting to be the one to fill the void, yet knowing that you're not that one....

_____________________________________________

ANNIE WAITS

And so Annie waits Annie waits Annie waits

For a call from a friend

The same it's the same why's it always the same?

Annie waits for the last time

The clock never stops never stops never waits

She's growing old, it's getting late

And so he forgot he forgot but maybe not

Maybe he's been seriously hurt

Would that be worse?

Headlights crest the hill

Shadows pass her by and out of sight

Annie sees in dreams

Friday bingo, pigeons in the park

Annie waits for the last time

Just the same as the last time

Annie waits for the last time

Just the same as the last time

Annie says you see?

This is why I'd rather be alone

And so Annie waits Annie waits Annie waits

For a call from a friend

The same it's the same why's it always the same?

Annie waits as the last headlights crest the hill

Who will be the one forever more?

Annie I could be-

If we're both still lonely when we're old

Annie waits for the last time

Just the same as the last time

Annie waits for the last time

Just the same as the last time

Annie waits...

But not for me

 

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