2002-09-29 - 10:09 p.m.

Ha, that's funny- looking at my profile (before this entry) it says "total number of entries- 25".

Yes, today I reached the quarter century, the silver jubilee, the- fuck the years are flying by aren't they? Given some of the moods I've been in over the last couple of months today had the potential for me to either get terribly depressed or happily reflective. When my pseudo-namesake Nick Carraway turns 30 he sees rather ominously "the portentious, menacing road of a new decade" rather than anything optimistic.

I'm happy to report I'm leaning greatly toward the latter. Birthdays, like Christmas I guess, lose their magic the older you get. Rather than scurrying into your parents room at 6am you raise an eyelid at 10.30am when your Dad knocks on the door and says your Grandmother is on the phone. But they never lose their significance, or their importance. We all want to feel special on our birthdays I think, or feel loved.

When my parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday I had no idea. If I had been 18 this wouldn't have been a huge deal as a few $50 bills would have made my eyes light up, but there's not much significance in money as a birthday present when you earn more than that in a day. So I told them I'd think about it, and a token gesture was fine until I could think of something, if I could think of something.

So this morning I got a bottle of wine and a book, and I did nothing all day, but I'm happy. I was content to spend the last couple of days on my own because I saw a lot of friends on Friday night (which lasted well into Saturday morning, but I might add to that later), and the people who mean the most to me made me happy, whether it was through a phone call, an email or a simple SMS.

Cindy woke me up with an SMS at about 9.30am, then I went back to sleep until said call from Grandmother, and then Annie and Jane SMSed me within a few minutes of each other (they had woken up together after whereever they went last night, and I guess that was nice that it was one of the first things they did). And Ellie rang me, which I appreciate because I imagine she was a little worried by how I'd take it, last time she checked we were supposed to be fighting. I wanted her to ring in fact, and I know her living arrangements see her telecommunicatively impaired so it definitely means something to me.

Neither of us made mention of why we had been fighting- in fact I had sent her an email to the effect of "let's move on and try not to go their again if you want me to stay civil to you" but she wouldn't have read it yet, so I was conscious of the fact that she might have been a little on edge but I chose to put it completely behind me because in all honesty it's the only way we are going to survive without going round in circles .

A handful of other friends and acquaintances wished me Happy Birthday as well- I probably have Cindy to thank for that after broadcasting it on a public forum :)

Friday night, apart from my conversations with charismatic musicians and frustration at delusional acquaintances I had cocktails with 3 different circles of friends- an old Entertainment Centre pal, two of my Unifriends and their partners, plus Caddie, Cindy and another gig buddy. By about midday Saturday my stomach wasn't happy with my decision to mix creamy cocktails, fruity cocktails (including the infamous Long Island Ice Tea which is worth about three), red wine and beer; but I kept it all down, and I didn't drink any alcohol from the start of the gig at about 11pm until I stumbled into bed in the pale-grey light of 6.30am.

I'll probably catch up with Annie and Jane early this week- I would have loved them to be a part of my Friday night cocktails but I knew they couldn't be- so all in all I'm content that I shared my birthday with those closest to me, whether I went drinking with them, talked to them on the phone or read their emails and SMSes.

A year older and a year wiser? I guess we're only ever going to find evidence for the former.

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